April 8, 2011

Walking in the Mist

I'm loving the sunshine that recent days have gifted me.  This morning I took the doggie out for our morning wandering and was caught breathless at the cloud I found nestled on the horizon. If you've seen the movie Pride and Prejudice, did you take note of the landscape during the 'turning point scene' as Mr. Darcy walked toward Elizabeth in the foggy mist?  Mornings here in Germany often appear similarly.  Actually, I've seen the mist fall at all times of the day in the rolling hills I meander.  A cloud of sorts will just settle, somewhere.  This morning I was captivated.  The sun hurried to burn it off, but not before I could snap a shot or two.  Interestingly, behind me, the way was perfectly clear.


The misty fog seems to have settled over our family as well.  Not exactly sure what the future looks like.  We are at a crossroads of sorts. The view is a little cloudy.  Career choices.  College choices.  Anxiety.  I spent the morning with the oldest  - calming nerves.  Reassuring.  Spring of her high school junior year uncovers fears that have masked themselves all these 17 years. The future is just right there.  Close enough to touch, yet vague and unclear.  She knows a direction she'd like to travel, somewhat.  We look at the classes she needs to wrap up her education under my tutelage.   Can it be?  

I've got her here for only one more year.  Safe, under my big old wing span.  Isn't every parent walking a tightrope of sorts? Pulling the kinder along, cheering them on. Feeling our way through the mist, unsure ourselves of where we're going?  Especially  the homeschool mamas who fight the insecurities telling us we can't do this.  We can't..............alone.   But we hold on tight to the One who's leading us through the cloudy daze days.  All we can see is what's directly in front of us.  We trust His gentle voice to lead us both in the mist.  But isn't this where we're supposed to live?  Must we really see so far ahead? Shouldn't we be in the only moment that's ours?  Right here. Right now?

So I teach her how to inch her way from the now to the tomorrow All I can do as the mama is teach her how to walk. I teach her who's hand to hold when it's not mine.  Especially in the mist. As I blindly feel my way along myself, I'm holding onto HIM, and as I do, I'm dragging her behind.   Especially when the way's cloudy. The job of raising kids is to slowly edge myself out of the chain.  The mama needs to make sure the girl child is holding onto Jesus to take her through the mist.  With both hands.

The future is ALWAYS unclear. Remember, perfect vision only comes as we look behind!  Circumstances change. Disappointments come uninvited. Tragedies strike. Uncertainties abound.

My own eyes mist thinking about my limited time.  Does she know all she should?  Seventeen years dissipate.
 She learns endless ways of manipulating letters and numbers and concepts, but 
what she really needs to know is how to walk. 




2 comments:

  1. We're on the same schedule on different continents...my daughters are close to that big shift toward whatever is next.

    Thank you for beautifully capturing the feelings and pointing out the critical role we play in the years (or is it months?) they remain directly under our care and tutelage.

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  2. Oh my. Your writing has taken my breath away. This task of parenting our children, of "Feeling our way through the mist, unsure ourselves of where we're going?" This privilege and responsibility of teaching them "how to walk" and how to take His hand... You've captured the intensity of unprecedented emotions with eloquence and grace.

    Thank you.

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